I’m one month into my meditate pray-a-thon, and I have to admit that this is both easier and far harder than I expected. I thought I’d stumble over my schedule and be unable to apply butt to seat to keep my daily appointment with myself. That has turned out to be the easy part. I made a public commitment, and except for weekends when my schedule gets scrambled, I’m sitting in my meditation chair at the appointed time five days a week.
What’s tough is what I do when I’m in that seat, particularly when it comes to meditation, particularly when it comes to meandering through my mind, watching the old movie scenes that pop up in front of my eyes, listening to dialogue from last night’s TV show, replaying yesterday’s conversation, obsessing over today’s work and on and on ad nauseum.
The first week I meditated I felt like a Zen pro. I was so darn cool. My mind emptied. I focused on my big question, and I was Right. There. I was thoroughly impressed with myself. And then everything began to feel routine. I made it routine. That was the point after all, to create a practice for myself of clearing mind, setting intention, getting past my own mental limitations. But when I do anything almost as often as I brush my teeth, that bright, shiny new practice quickly feels as old and mundane as applying toothpaste to toothbrush. Mindful becomes mindless in a nattering it’s-time- to-get-up-and-ignore-this kinda way.
I’m sitting in my alleged meditation longer now, and getting less out of it. Very frustrating. I don’t know if there’s a solution to this except to continue applying butt to seat and bringing my mind back to my practice over and over and over and over again. At some point the inside of my brain has got to get tired of babbling. Right?